Maintaining With the Kardashians Season Premiere Recap: Family First, Unless You're BruceReviewed by Alice-park on May 27.Rating:
Keeping Up With the Kardashians is back!
That's right, the main boring, scripted show on TV is SO back!
On the Season 7 premiere, Kim and her giant boobs gush in regards to the importance of family, Kourtney reveals the gender of her second baby, Khloe and Kris clash over whether she should take a DNA test, and Bruce takes $h!t from everyone.
Basically all stuff we already knew or didn't care about. Anyway, here's our recap!
Kim Kardashian: "After facing a divorce this past year, it just taught me that family is the key thing." Well, family and Kanye. Plus 10.
Khloe's on the town, but nobody bothers to inform Bruce dinner is prepared, and he doesn't bother to return downstairs. Blame is shared equally there. Minus 15.
"What does a man got to do to get a bit respect around here?" he says. Not be surrounded by a gaggle of cash-grubbing reality stars? Minus 10.
OMG … is Khloe a biological Kardashian? The DNA test drama resumes as Kris Jenner is consumed with the paternity rumors re: Khloe Kardashian.
"This story is absolutely not going away," Kris laments. Yeah, since you have Google alerts arrange and are filmed talking about it in your show. Minus 30.
Minus 25 for Kris feigning like she cares for the sake of ratings, but Plus 20 for Kim actually calling her out and saying here is really all about Kris.
Dr. John Taddie, a DNA specialist, shows up during dinner. Minus 5. No wonder Bruce desires to hide away in his hideously-decorated man cave.
Minus 10 more for Kris being THAT nag who berates Bruce for spilling chips on their new furniture. This guy is one step far from hitting the street.
Plus 30, though, because after actually communicating with Kris, Bruce gets a further perspective and decides to step it up in his role as dad.
Taking Kendall and Kylie Jenner out for dessert sans their cellphones (Plus 10), they tell him about their big test the next day to come. Cute. Plus 10.
Minus 5 for filming Maintaining rather than studying, but still.
Side note: WTF is occurring with Bruce's face? How much cosmetic surgery can one man have? Minus 40 for that and the ridiculous earrings.
Scott's dry spell within the sack may or will not be as a result of his porn mustache. Minus 15. Would you let that guy sleep for your bed?
Mason really, really needs a haircut. Cutie, though. Wash.
Kim is pissed that Kourtney's controlling DASH, the boutique they're presupposed to run as a team. Minus 10 because none of them really run $h!t.
Speaking of garments, Kris Jenner is painful to observe. For a so-called entertainment mogul, she stands out as the worst-dressed celebrity ever. Minus 20.
No mention of Kourt pregnancy and betrayed. Give it a month. Plus 10.
Kourt agrees to work more closely together with her sibs. "i've got such a lot of fun memories of pretending we run the DASH store," she says. Aww. Plus 10.
She and Scott are having a lady! How exciting! Plus 75.
Kris is so hung up at the DNA thing that she barely even reacts, then writes Khloe a letter urging her to take the test. Give it a rest lady. Minus 50.
Finally, due to a decent script at Ryan Seacrest Productions, she sees the sunshine and decides to let celebrity gossip die down and cut Khlo a break.
"If Khloé's pleased with this entire thing then i have to feel good about it to head on and return to being an awesome mom," Kris says. So heartfelt. Minus 10.
EPISODE TOTAL: -120.
